“When you have come to the edge of all light that you know, And are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” ~Patrick Overton
Some days it feels like everything is falling apart. Every aspect of my life is either at a crossroads or about to change drastically. Change is one thing that makes me nervous. Not small things but big, HUGE life changes. Not knowing scares me. And on days like today it sometimes feel like the decisions are endless and the future is just a big question mark.
Being home sick in this stifling heat for almost a week, with no air conditioning and a fever makes for very long lazy days. There's not much to do since my headache makes it hard to read and there's only so much tv I can take in a day. So instead I think...which is to say my mind races in circles over the same things over and over again.
But, like usual, just as I start to worry that the worrying will never end something happens, something small, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things...perhaps a facebook message from a friend or a familiar face on the subway. And all of a sudden that small thing, that reminder, that sign from God? brings me back. Reminds me that things are never hopeless.
So I realize what I have to do and I'm forced to do something drastic...something I wouldn't normally do...I call my mom. Yes, I call my mom and talk to her for over an hour, crying for part of the conversation, yelling for others (sorry Mama) until finally I am completely honest with her and she understands why I am having a nervous breakdown. And through the arguing and bickering I calm down enough to realize that what she is telling me is right (like always). That some things are in my control, others aren't and I just need to remember the difference. When I hang up the phone I am still stressed out but I start to realize that I have to let some things go...that some things are impossible to foresee and everyone has to take a chance...some things have to be left with God.
"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see." ~Corrie ten Boom